Time has a strange way of moving. For a long time, I thought I was mostly the same person, maybe a little older, maybe a little more mature, but not all that different. It’s only when I really look back that I see how much I’ve changed. And not always in ways I’m proud of. There are past versions of me that make me uncomfortable. People I tried to be, things that I said, the way I treated others and was selfish, the ways I saw the world. It’s hard to admit, but I look back and feel ashamed of who I was. Not because I was trying to be awful, but because I didn’t know better. I carried things I didn’t understand, acted out of fear or insecurity, held onto ideas that weren’t really mine. For a while I tried to ignore that feeling, or pretend I had nothing to be ashamed of. But I’ve come to realize that kind of honesty is necessary. The changes in me didn’t happen all at once. It was slow, quiet, a long process of shedding, learning, unlearning. But where I’m at now feels different. Not perfect, but better. I don’t know exactly where I’m headed, but I know it’s with someone I can stand behind.

Not all of my past self is something I’m proud of, and I know I’ve been a difficult person at times, and I’m sorry for the ways that have hurt those around me.

To those who’ve disliked me: I understand, and it was my fault. I’m not here to make excuses or hold grudges. I just hope that one day you can understand that the person who caused that no longer exists.

And to those who stayed with me despite everything, who saw past the flaws and chose to support me: thank you. Your patience and understanding have meant more than I can say.

zachstoneosu on discord
You can find my music listening on:
my lastfm account
and album recommendations on:
my aoty account