中文版

也许终点就在这里了：

​故事开始于2021年5月，那年我在B站刷到了isxi的ex8首杀。极大的震撼让我从BangDream转战4K，并立誓要拿下ex8。那时的我，入坑即3dan，每月一段地飞速进步，甚至一度产生了“我很有天赋”的错觉——直到后来见识了那些真正的天降奇才，我意识到我的进步只是每天靠四五个小时甚至十几个小时堆出来的。是的，刚入坑那段时间我对这游戏充满了热情，每天从睁开眼到入眠前都在玩，甚至把手机玩烧屏了

​这一路走得很长，2022年2月常规段毕业，之后是漫长的两年磨砺才拿下ex6。从Malody到osu，中间有过无数次退坑又回坑的循环。每次回来，那种“无法追上曾经的自己”的无力感都会让我陷入玉玉，我是一个很热爱游戏的人，离开4K去玩其他游戏真的很快乐，但我每次真的离开却又总会想起这款游戏

​2025年2月，那也许是我的极限最强时期，拼尽全力却还是倒在了未来日记的对拍下。紧接着是手伤，被迫离坑。本身有Delta的实力，但却没实际过Delta，说是Gamma却又比Gamma强不止一星半点，卡在这像个白银，Delta几乎已是心魔，挥之不去

​时间来到现在，2026年2月。整整一年的时间，我在极限上再无突破。我从GBC秋季赛前开始复健，那时就已初见端倪。此前我不管退坑多久再回来都至少有Beta的水平，但这次我居然直接掉到了rf7左右，这对我的打击非常大，在资格赛前也仅仅回到了Alpha左右的水平。我不得不承认，我已经找不回ex6的水平了。这几个月的复健是真的折磨透顶，几乎等于从头开始攀升，每次以为自己看到光芒却又在第二天瞬间打脸，再后来甚至一天比一天弱。

也许不再执着于极限也能找回以前的热情？我试过转准度，发现自己太弱；试过去街机，发现没有天赋；试过移动端，却发现离开了4K我什么都不会，甚至现在的我，连4K也不会了。

​我感到深深的乏力。我曾无数次告诉自己，外面的世界很大，好游戏很多，何必死磕？无数次的退坑回坑也把我折磨的不行。​

​从2021年被isxi的ex8视频点燃梦想，到2026年面对现实的无力感，这五年的跨度里，我经历了从“自认为有天赋”到“看见真正的天才”，从“巅峰期手伤”到“复健失败”的全部过程。这种“无法战胜过去的自己”的痛苦，是我最难跨越的坎。​既然决定要走了，这封告别信应当是对自己这五年时光的一个交代，我厌恶那个无能为力的自己，所以我决定放过他。

这次是真的了，我退坑了

情况不太妙，中间忘了，趁我还可以的时候，我需要走出去去寻找一些新的东西

English

Perhaps the end is here:

The story begins in May 2021, when I saw the first kill of isxi's ex8 on Bilibili. The great shock made me switch from BangDream to 4K and vow to win the ex8. At that time, as soon as I entered the game, I made rapid progress every month, and even had the illusion of "I am very talented" at one point - until later when I saw those real talents who descended from heaven, I realized that my progress was only accumulated by spending four to five hours or even ten hours a day. Yes, I was passionate about this game when I first got into it. I played it every day from opening my eyes to falling asleep, and even burned my phone screen

This journey has been a long one, graduating from the regular dan in February 2022, followed by two long years of hard work to win the ex6. From Malody to osu, there have been countless cycles of falling back and leave. Every time I come back, the feeling of powerlessness that makes me unable to catch up with my former self always plunges me into a state of despair. I am someone who loves games very much, and it's really enjoyable to leave 4K to play other games. However, every time I really leave, I always think of this game

In February 2025, which may have been my peak period, I tried my best but still fell on the jumptrill of FUTURE DOMINATORS. Following that was a hand injury, forcing him to leave the game. I have the strength of Delta myself, but I haven't actually experienced Delta. I say it's Gamma, but it's more than a tiny bit stronger than Gamma. It's very uncomfortable to be stuck here, Delta is almost a demon that I can't shake off

The time has come to February 2026. For a whole year, I never broke through to the limit again. I started my rehabilitation before the GBC autumn competition, and at that time, the signs had already begun to emerge. Previously, no matter how long I stayed out of the game and came back, I had at least a Beta level. However, this time I fell directly to around rf7, which dealt a huge blow to me. Before the qualification match, I only returned to around Alpha level. I have to admit, I can't find the level of ex6 anymore. These months of rehabilitation have been truly agonizing, almost like climbing from scratch. Every time I thought I saw the light, I was instantly embarrassed the next day, and even weaker day by day.

Perhaps even without being obsessed with the limits, one can regain their previous passion? I have tried to improve accuracy and found myself too weak; Trying arcade games, I found no talent; I have tried mobile devices, but found that without 4K,I can't play anything, even now I can't play 4K.

I feel a deep sense of fatigue. I have told myself countless times that the outside world is big and there are many good games, why bother fighting? Countless times of going back and forth have also tormented me tremendously. ​

From being ignited by isxi's ex8 video in 2021 to feeling powerless in the face of reality in 2026, I have gone through the entire process from "thinking I have talent" to "seeing a true genius", from "peak hand injury" to "rehabilitation failure" during these five years. The pain of being unable to overcome my past self is the most difficult hurdle for me to overcome. Since I have decided to leave, this farewell letter should be an account of my past five years. I detest that helpless self, so I have decided to let him go.

This time it's true, I got out of the game

The situation is not good, I forgot in the middle. While I am still available, I need to go out and look for something new