No, no it will not. Chances are very high you may end up worse than before and wasted a ton of time. Though if you can look back on the experience positively, even if you end up going back I'm sure the experience can enlighten you.

It's important to understand that both of your hands can do the exact same thing at the exact same level. Just because 1 hand feels faster doesn't mean it has a higher ability than your other hand. The ONLY difference is HOW your hand does it. Once you understand that, you can look at it like an opportunity to learn and see a part of yourself you didn't know about. In my case I learned a gift/talent my left hand had when it comes to aim.

No, the only significant difference between the 2 is the connections your brain has built using them. In actual practice if that's the hand you want to use it will achieve the exact same peak as your other hand. The only difference is how it does it.

What happens when you try and grow up too quickly?

Starting out, all I wanted was to play. The game was so fun and though I was still in high school, I did everything I could to make time for myself. I even went out of my way to work a little bit to buy my first tablet! The H420 sucked but it gave me a taste, so I worked even harder and bought a wacom ctl-480. Within a month I saw some crazy improvement and it gave me a very false sense of ability. I went from just wanting to play because I enjoyed it, to wanting to play to get better. I wanted to play all the hard maps and I put so much time and effort into doing so. My improvement is what kept me going, but what happens when it doesn't?

After about 10 months of playing the game, I was able to FC a 5.86 star map and shortly after a 5.63. This put me at the time, around 86k rank. After this, my whole osu dream came crashing down! Little things that never bothered me started to annoy me, my aim became inconsistent and ugly, I started regressing and getting worse. For someone who gains so much excitement from improving, this was a death sentence for my osu enjoying days. After this point, my path ahead could only be described and great agony.

When motivated by desperation, how can you expect to go anywhere?

After my rapid improvement and now rapid decline, I wasn't just gonna take this without a fight. I did absolutely everything I could think of. Here's a list of some things I remember trying.

1. New monitor
2. Getting good at mouse
3. Easy mod
4. SSing 2* maps
5. Focusing purely on movement
6. Playing in a tourney
7. Grinding maps I'm bad at/good at

No matter what I tried and in what combination, I kept getting worse. Sure, I had some wins here and there; but these were very short lived and I believed them to be purely luck instead of my hard work. This would bite me later on.

Destroyed and not knowing what to do I gave up and just played for the heck of it. It was not enjoyable but my passion for the game was still there and I couldn't abandon that.

No choice but to wonder

Now in 2021 struggling with massive depression, osu was both alleviating it and contributing to it. I played whatever I felt like and I didn't care. Around This time I believe I finally did manage to crawl out of the depths of hell and reclaim. Though my time frame says starting at 2021, this actually started at the tail end of 2020. This time felt like there was actually hope. I was starting to get consistent again and capable of praising my own skill, something I couldn't do for the longest time.

My ability in the game was massively outclassed by the thick miasma that is depression. Though my skill did grow, it was very slowly and also random. When you have no direction or even any idea what direction is, you are at the mercy of your mental state. Unfortunately even though my skill reached its best during this time, there was still no enjoyment and playing the game got more and more painful both mentally and physically. I should also mention, I continued my desperate attempts highlighted in the section A journey fueled by panic throughout these years as well. This stopped around 2023.

Nowhere else to go, but up

My friend Mikata Suggested playing with my left hand (non dominant hand) as a way to "reset" my brain. If playing with my right hand was so much of a struggle both physically and mentally, then why not use all that knowledge and experience I obtained on my journey so far and switch hands? So, from here and onwards; I played aiming with my left hand.



His logic was sound but flawed as no one can possibly know what kind of journey someone else would be taking on when it comes to something like this. Challenge accepted, I wanted to see if I could grab onto this glimmer of hope and not make the same mistakes I did in the past!

Or so I thought...

Ever heard of overthinking a problem? Yea... I did that

At this time I was still overcoming my depression and found every excuse to not play and decided to dive into theory. While the very few who end up reading this would think this was an absolute waste of time, I feel I did gain something out of it.

The problems I was running into was that I kept treating my left hand like my right hand and this is not how its supposed to work. So I needed a reason why. Why? I have absolutely no idea but I pursued to find that out. I can ramble on about my findings but to sum it up, science saying left brain controls right side and right brain controls left side is accurate; to add onto this, both these sides have their own "frequency" which is how they go about solving problems. Think of it like a micro personality.

My improvement was pretty quick but comparatively slow to my right hand. I did not like the fact just how much time and effort it would take just for it to catch up, but I promised myself I would learn from my mistakes and take it easy.

The nightmare is finally over, time to move on

Acceptance is the key to move on from trauma. Yes, I'm calling my osu journey trauma because looking back on it I'm pretty sure my body felt that way. I had finally moved on from my depression and now I have a plan.

My left hand is getting better, I'm starting to enjoy the game again, and I'm not pushing myself more than I need to and coming up with lame excuses. On the surface these years may appear to be completely empty but they are some of the most important and impactful ones as its almost a complete transformation from the past.

I switched to mouse and found instant success.
My failure in making tablet work with my left hand has to do with how it prefers to use muscle groups. This lead to highlighting a biological limitation as my fingers are not well balanced length wise and extremely stiff and unable to bend. Holding a pen is easy if I just don't use my fingers but that's not how you aim. To make the most of aim you have to use a balance of all the muscles your hand wants to use comfortably, if you can't do that you wont get far.

The real key insight here for me was prioritizing what felt comfortable vs what I thought was comfortable. Takes a lot of reflection to make that kind of distinction when you are blinded by what you think is ideal.